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wander

Moments

Posted on 2015.01.27 at 21:24
Crying baby upstairs, I let him cry too much but it's only two hours, why do I feel guilty for laying him down, the bathroom needs to be cleaned, the vacuuming and the snack taken care of. I'm bringing him down in the sling and he isn't crazy about it, but I can vacuum and have him with me. I pulled something in my wrist and it's killing me, even with the brace. I have an infected hangnail on my big toe so it hurts to walk, sweating and my back aches while I carry him and worry that the wrap he's in isn't holding him properly. It's past his meal time and I need to take him home, the bathroom isn't going to get done this time and someone else will have to handle snack, I've got to load all his stuff and mine into the car, no time to wrestle him into his coat, just carry everything out...

Dinner's almost done, the baby needs to nurse, just give me a second until the rice starts boiling and then it'll simmer for twenty minutes and I can feed the baby, he's actually nursing really well for once and there goes the timer for the rice, just two more minutes to feed him, the rice is burned, there's too much lemon juice in the chicken, not enough chicken. I see the rice that was thrown in the trash and feel like a failure. I hate seeing food wasted, ate the rice even if it was crunchy...

He's screaming to be fed and I have to set him down; I need to get dressed, get a bandaid on my toe, the towels need to be hung up from the bath, dirty diapers need to be put out for pickup, trash cans need to be emptied and trash taken out, the laundry is piling up, dirty clothes need to be scrubbed to keep from staining and washed, clothes in the dryer need to be taken out and added to the pile I need to fold, he's out of diaper covers in the drawer, I need to fold up more and put them away, put everything away. Need to turn the crock pot down to warm so the chicken for tomorrow's dinner doesn't over cook. The glass and the orange juice bottle need to be taken from the bedroom and I can't find Grumpy (his pacifier/stuffed animal)...

This paycheck I want to get a 10 session swim pass for us so we can spend more time at the pool, need to get more hydrogel pads, latex gloves, pick up an extra nipple cover because I keep loosing the one I have. My wrist brace is wearing out and I'm running low on lanolin. I have two books for myself in my Amazon shopping cart but with all the other expenses, should I take them out?

Going to have to come up with another five meals and a grocery list, going to have to do grocery shopping, oil in the car needs checking before we head to Seattle this weekend.

For a moment I feel the pressure, I just want to go away, curl up, but there's too much to do.
First time on the computer today, too tired and no time with everything else going on... I want a moment to play my game, check my e-mail and messages, read my Facebook feed... instead I make myself get ready to go to bed early in case we have another night where he doesn't sleep.

Comments:


Kathryn
tsutsujigirl at 2015-01-28 18:57 (UTC) (Link)
Being a mom is amazingly hard; hang in there. It will get better!
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